As the year finally draws into a close, the champagne opened, the fireworks already to be lit and party food is laid out on the table, some of us parents are still sorting out washing, cooking dinner, getting ready for bedtime and for me? I am still sat here after just finishing a gallery of images off for a client, still covered in paint from Alice’s bedroom, looking at that clock and thinking god damn it! Alice will be home in half an hour and I still haven’t showered, cleaned the kitchen or done myself dinner… Priorities me, but instead I am sat in front of my desk writing this blog post while I listen to the sound of fireworks off in the distance, they almost sound like bombs exploding and I am full of glee for the fact that at 9pm tonight my beautiful daughter, my best friend & his boyfriend and my beloved Luke will be welcoming New Years in with me at midnight. Unlike this time last year where I was sat at my parents with a dozing little baby and being nagged to go out for a few drinks.
Oh, how the year has changed, how I have changed. I wanted to do this post as a sort of reminder of what has happened, what I have overcome and what I have been greeted within these last 12 months, so please bare with the long winded post, go and make yourself a cuppa and pull up a chair while I reminisce about the amazing and heartfelt year that I was blessed and cursed with.
In January 2017, I went on a date with a guy, the thought scared the life out of me for it still felt soon after Alice’s dad. We can sort of call this guy the rebound guy because sadly and upon reflection that’s all he was. He taught me that it was ok to just let go, have fun and be me again. Put me first. And so I did… and off he went to go help another girl get out of her “funk”, that as many of you might remember lasted for all of I think two months, but honestly, I cannot remember, it seems so long ago.
February & March seemed to merge together, I don’t actually think anything happened this month apart from the odd lunch with friends, the ever-growing Alice and her longing to learn new things and words. She did, however, start crawling on Mothers Day, so perhaps that was the only real big thing that happened? Who knows, I will just have to go back to blog posts to see.
April bloomed into May and soon it was my 26th birthday. A birthday that I had high hopes for mainly because my birthday 2016 was the day Alice’s dad asked me to marry him so I hoped that this year my birthday would have been a better reminder of what could have been, sadly that is not how it happened and I will have to just leave that memory in the past and continue to move forward.
June, oh June! What a beautiful month this was. Filled with birthdays of friends, beach day adventures and of course my little Alice’s first birthday (watch the video here). I still can’t believe she was even one and almost two this coming year!! Please stop growing so bloody quickly for I know I will blink one day and you will be 16 years old! 🙂 The end of June was also a very exciting month, I was sat out my parents back garden with my friend Louise making decorations for Alice’s birthday party and I had invited my “friend” Luke round for a catch up as it had been a month since we had a proper chat. We laughed, drank, enjoyed each others company, I even roped him into helping me and Louise make jellyfish. After he left, first words out of Louise’s mouth was ‘Why aren’t you together?’, I, of course, didn’t know the answer to that as myself and Luke had always been good friends, the best in fact. I joked about it with him a few days later and then he decided why not, we went on our first date and the rest is history… Best choice ever! 😉
July, August and September, well they were filled with not only two weddings one of my sisters and the other my best friends. But I attended my first blogging event ‘Speedway GP’ which was incredible! So much fun and excitement! We had another minor heatwave which of course was filled with picnics in the park, more beach days adventures. Luke & I went down to Pembrokeshire for a little camping night and I in Mel fashion got very drunk, decided we were going to go for a walk, took many selfies and fell down a bit of a hill landing in some stingy. Classy of course! Thankfully Luke has known me for many years so it wasn’t something he hadn’t seen before.
The rest of the year has just been filled with many more happy days rather than sad days. After I was finished doing these little collages and taking forever to decide on what photographs to pick, I realised how actually 2017 was a very good year. Even if the beginning sucked slightly and I did make some very bad choices in the form of men and dates, I am ending it on such a high note. Not only have myself and Alice moved into our own space which by the way is lovely, I have an amazing boyfriend whom I am pretty much set of keeping (sorry Luke, I did say stuck with me), my daughter is incredible, happy and healthy. I have learnt that my friendship circle might be small, it is feisty and full of love and I’m ok with that. I may not have found my place in this world for jobs or what path I want to take, I know I have the greatest support and group behind me who are ready to help or catch me if I fall.
You know that saying where life is what you make of it? Well, I’m pretty sure I am making an epic life for myself and Alice. I am 99% sure we are going to be heading in the right direction this year and yes things might change or not go the way we planned them. Or life may take a full 180* turn and I might end up at rock bottom but that’s ok. This year I have overcome major life-threatening depression, I have dealt with my demons and won, I have grown to love myself and the person I am becoming, I have the love and support of a wonderful man, I have an amazing family & Luke’s wonderful family behind me and I am becoming the mother I have only ever dreamt of.
Thank you to my mum and dad for teaching me that its ok to fall, but it’s also ok to totally get back up and fight! You guys, I couldn’t have made it through this year without you both pushing, yelling, being by my side and supporting me (actual tears writing this). I almost lost the will to keep on but you were there ready to hold me and protect me. Thank you for showing me what an amazing parent I can be and for showing me that true love really exists, even if you do dislike the other person sometimes.
2018, Eat your bloody heart out! Because I am coming for you and I am on fire!
Happy New Year you beautiful amazing people! Thank you for this year and all the support and push you have given me. Let’s do this together, let’s accomplish our goals, let’s share our experiences with the world and let’s learn to make mistakes and be ok with them. Let’s be happy! 😀
Oh, before I forget here is a quick video of my 2017 as a whole, enjoy xx