We are each greated with moments in life that can sometimes take your breathe away in an instant or those moments that are almost soul crushingly beautiful that they remind you, you’re human.
Sometimes those moments can be the final goodbye of a loved one. Your first kiss with that special person whose face keeps you awake at night. That moment when your partner tells you they want to break up or when you feel as if you can’t fight anymore.
I knew from the very start of this journey that I was going to pass people who would take my breathe away or shock me to my core. I knew my heart was either going to reject something or someone straight away or it was going to play a trick on me and make me feel as if everything was fine.
Moving on after the biggest break up of my life so far was mind destroying. I remember most nights crying on the bathroom floor hoping not to wake Alice up after I finally managed to get her to sleep. I remember having panic attacks when I would hear something about him that would ache my very body. But then I remember waking up one morning and not hurting anymore. That dull ache had finally disappeared and in someways I felt free. Free to move on. As if my body and mind had at last given me permission.
Of course, there were moments where I would go on a date with someone and think what the hell? Then there were moments with people I would think hey! This could be something but of course, human beings always have a way of disappointing you.
Moving on and allowing someone in, even after you’ve built those walls up, made a fort and have armed gaurds at every path waiting to protect you from the idiots who would appear is difficult. Yet, what do you do when one of those guards ends up catching your eye? And you realise that those feelings you’ve just taken as flirty banter aren’t really banter at all?
Now you’re lost. You are stuck wondering what the hell happened? How did someone who you would never take a second look at, who wasn’t even under your radar and yet here they are… Standing in front of you offering you everything you’ve been dreaming about? Those moments of little bits of happiness, laughter and enjoyment?
It’s there, in that very moment you decide if its worth it? Is it worth it if your heart gets broken again? Should you pull away and decide that its better to be alone? Or should you just jump and hope for a soft landing? Do you just risk it all and say screw it and go for it?
Want to know what I would do?
Screw it. And if anyone got in your way for your happiness, kick them to the curb and take pity on them. You may get hurt but it may also be epic. Take that chance and move on. Be happy. For you.