It’s funny isn’t it, we grow up with the idea of this perfect version of love. Where the person of our dreams will sweep us off our feet, they blow away the horrible clouds that have been looming above us and we begin to rely on them for just being around.
It’s those summer evenings where it’s still warm outside and you are lying on the grass watching as the clouds go by, the smell of freshly cut grass and the taste of that first cold beer hitting your lips. We dream up our own perfect version of a person and our expectations grow even higher and when we are greeted with someone who we know deep down we could love, we throw them away because we’ve set our standards a little too high.
I am awful at this or was at least. I would dream up the idea of the perfect guy who would not only give me enough room to breathe and be my own person but would also know when to crowd me. Cover me in affections, share interests with me, sing stupidly bad to music on the radio and share in the knowledge that even though we hadn’t said those three words yet, we would both feel it.
I am a sucker for love, I guess that’s my downfall but also a fantastic trait to have. I wear my heart on my sleeve because I am passionate and often enough that is taken for granted or I give all of me away far too quickly for the person who I should have thought twice about maybe meeting for coffee, going on that second date with and going home with them. And I hear what you’re saying while you’re reading this, maybe play hard to get? Maybe play the game better than them? I am too old for games and I value myself too much to do that.
With love, there comes pain. A lot of pain and if you’re not willing to feel the pain, then how can you know you’re evening feeling love? I am a wedding photographer and I see happy couples reach that wonderful life goal we all deep down want to achieve. However, it’s very unrealistic of us human beings to think our happiness depends on being in a relationship?
To many of us are in relationships that we know aren’t going anywhere. Maybe it’s to just past the time? Maybe it’s for that company we long for at night? Or maybe you’ve just become used to that routine of having someone there? I remember having a conversation with someone last year about why they would run back and forth in and out of relationships, never being on their own and their reply was “I don’t like my own company”. How can you be in a relationship with someone if you don’t even like being by yourself?
Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE going out with friends, having meals with people and just doing things together but dear lord, I love my solitude. I only get it a few times a week and late at night when Alice has finally settled to bed. Sometimes I give up my own time to be with others, I’ve even asked a few people I thought to give my evening up to them would be worth it and when they say no, yes it bugs the hell out of me but then I remember I have a book waiting to be read, images to edit, a relaxing shower to have or a program to catch up on.
I would hope by the end of 2017 I can see something going with someone, heck even sooner than that! But I am so happy this year that I realised I don’t even need a man to be happy and I guess that’s what makes me so dangerous. I am happy just being by myself. As a Pinterest quote said… You’re not fighting with someone, you’re fighting with my comfort of being by myself.
I guess, what I’m trying to say in my wonderful Mel rambles is, you don’t need to be in a relationship to make you happy. Go out! Do the things you love! Be you! Be happy!! Once you’re comfortable with yourself, someone will come along and want to get in your bubble and be beside you, a partner.