Having a baby can be one of the biggest blessings in your life, but it can also become one of the most challenging and life changing events as well. This blog post is something personal and after the response of my Coping With Postnatal Depression post, I wanted to expand on it and a section I didn’t really talk about is what happens to you as a person during pregnancy, after birth and present day.
I wasn’t going to post anything like this but I have been wracking my brains with all these words, confusion and this blog as I have said before is a Godsend to me. Alice just reached four months old and myself and William would have lived in our new home for three months but as of recently we are taking some time away from each other, to hopefully remind us of what we’re missing, to get back to who we were before becoming parents and to remember how much we do in fact love one another.
I’m not really going to go into too much depth about that as it’s a very raw feeling. However, I wanted to give you some bit of advice should you go through this yourself.
You need to remember, you are people, not just mum and dad. That’s something we forgot and sadly we now have extra work ahead of us to fix things or become civil for our beautiful daughter.
Over the last few days, I have learnt more about myself than I did while pregnant. I have learnt that due to my PND, I can be a little bit awful to be around due to my short fuse and not being so patient anymore. I believe that has something to do with being overtired but that’s part of being a parent, you don’t sleep until their eighteen and even then you’re up all night worrying about them.
I have learnt that I need to remember to give attention to my loved one. He needs affection too, as much as Alice needs my full attention, I need to remember to give it to someone else when I can.
Take some time for myself and my loved one. Date nights are a Godsend and Grandparents & aunties love babies and are happy to babysit!
Talk. Talk. And talk some more. Communication is the best thing to help air differences, talk about worries and fix things that are a little bit broken. William and I forgot that and it was one of the reasons we did argue.
Breathe, count to ten and remember you love each other. You may not like each other at that moment but your heart is filled with them.
Give each other space, but also give each other a date to meet up, to discuss everything and see where you can go from. In our case, we’re going on holiday on the 8th.
And most importantly, don’t forget to find yourself again. Remember what you use to do before you became a parent. I shamefully use to stick my headphones in my bedroom and then dance around in my underwear late at night… I now do that with Alice but I think sometimes I need to do it myself. I use to blast music while driving singing to the top of my lungs, I can’t do that as much if Alice is in the car with me but alone, oh I sing my heart out!
I use to read, a lot and since Alice I haven’t been able to so I have given myself a goal of reading at least two books, fully! By 2017. I think that’s a realistic goal to have.
I know this post may come back and bite me in the ass and I don’t know if William will in fact read this. It is however a way to remind myself, should we get to this stage again and I need to remember that we are also William and Melanie… Not just mum and dad.